1. |
Six Months Ago
01:34
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Six months ago
If I had troubles then I do not know
Now it seems my brain got far too slow
Oh, memory loss came ... what’s the word?
SUDDENLY ...
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2. |
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We've been abandoned at the bottom of the sea
The bottom of the sea
The bottom of the sea
It ain't easy being in the Russian navy
We thought that we'd be rescued but apparently
Not
We've been here
For several days
My memory
Is just a haze
They said that they were on their way
Last Wednesday or yesterday
It's only six weeks since we stood at the bar
Singing wish we were back in the USSR
It's tough
It's tough
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3. |
Can't Buy Me House
01:14
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I used to think that money
Could not buy me love
But now I haven't any
I know it's worse than that because
Can't buy me house
Can't buy me food
Can't buy me anything
There is no ladder
Never mind a first step
Or a rung
It don't get much sadder
When you have no chance
Of a bung
Can't buy me house...
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4. |
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She's had a change of mind after leaving behind home
It wasn't quite the adventure she'd hoped on her own
She looked up her old place, she just wanted to see
Her childhood bedroom is on Airbnb
Bloody hell, she thinks, they didn't hang around did they?
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5. |
Get Barack Back
01:37
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Jojo was a man who thought he was a woman
But now he's got over all that
It really doesn't matter to himself or to his mother
If he wants to be a mum or a dad
Get Barack back
Get Barack back
Get this sad sack out
And get Barack back where he once belonged
Sweet Loretta Modem
Came from Werneth, Oldham,
She was just another tran
All the girls around her
thought she was a Democrat
But she's Republican
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6. |
Benefits Cut For Mr Kite
01:15
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Benefits cut for Mr Kite
And anyone else who shows they might
Be able to put on a show
Universal accreditation
Is henceforth withdrawn
Across the entire circus portfolio
We really don't care if you can spin a plate
Or if your horse can dance or you're Catherine the Great
We're taking back every penny, we're confiscating your bike
There's a scrapheap in the corner you could balance on if you like
Take it on the chin or take it in the eye
Try to keep a grin when you get a custard pie
We can give you breadcrumps or we can give you tripe
No more furlough for you or any of your type
Benefits cut for Mr Kite
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7. |
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Being the cooncil is easy
Misunderstanding the community
You can violate
Every public space
And make some lovely money
So let us tear down
All of these fields
And comandeer them perhaps
For student flats
Or hotels and car parks
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8. |
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Six months ago I said to you love
Please please me and I'll buy you a dog
But now I couldn't care less what you get up to
Please please yourself now
And just leave me out of it, oooooh
Please please yourself now
Please please yourself now
Please please yourself now
Ah oooooh
I used to care but time has moved on
Now you're not here, I'll get the roof done
And maybe get an extension built as well
Please please yourself now
And just leave me out of it, ooooh
Go on, go on, go on, go on
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9. |
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Oh I'll tell you something
You probably won't understand
I got really fed up
Of just holding your hand
I wanna take off to another sphere and then
I wanna hold your hand luggage
When we get on that plane
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10. |
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Walking through the woods I saw a bloke with a gun
And your bird has been illegally poached
But what can you do?
I'll tell you what to do
One thing you can try is tweet Chris Packham
If your bird has been illegally poached
Just don't accept defeat
Cos he might retweet
Sometimes typing's not enough
You have to get tough
Grab that poacher by the scruff
Of the neck
Oooooh
Sometimes you can't see the woods for the tweed
And your bird has been illegally poached
It's the way they're taught
It's a killing sport
Time for land reform, claim the countryside back
And your bird has been illegally poached
Just put the boot in
To huntin and shootin
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11. |
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Let's all agree to give our mothers a break
She doesn't need to know every single mistake
You make
Hey sis
Maybe keep your mum out of this
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12. |
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Oh go on go on go on
go on go go on go on
go on go go on go on
go on go go on go on
Oversharing
It's overbearing
We used to be free with our feelings and notions
But me and my monkey are now internalising our emotions
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13. |
Maxwell Meets The Krays
01:10
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He used his hammer to murder several people
Now he's in the clink mending his ways
At first he was repentant but then felt unequal
Especially when he teamed up with the Krays
He's going down
He's gonna drown
All his sorrows
In his toolbox
He changed his ways
They opened his eyes
And opened his veins
When Maxwell met the Krays
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14. |
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I'd like to be on reality TV
Getting tips from Alan Titchmarsh on my fleur de lys
I need practical gardening guidance for free
Cos my herbaceous border could do with some TLC
Horticulturally, I could handle eight secateurs
But unfortunately my suckers are full of burrs
I'm handy at weeding and pruning a rose
But I've no idea where my Rosemary grows
Right, that's enough gardening
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15. |
She Adjusted My Ballcock
00:58
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I found her in the yellow pages
Which I'm sure you will agree
Is quite old fashioned in these daft ages
She had a novel way to gain entry
She climbed in through my bathroom window
And got right into plumbing
My old knackered cistern
She was really something
She didn't even knock
She adjusted my ballcock
She didn't need to rush
And now everything is flush
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16. |
Bus Replacement Blues
02:15
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Well I got a ticket to ride and it's driving me mad
Everytime I get on a train it's making me sad
I got the bus replacement blues
Tell Tchaicovksy there is no news
I gotta get on a bus to you
Cos of the wrong kind of snow
Oh
Leaving a carriage to stand out in the pouring rain
To catch a rusty sharabang, it's driving me insane
Maybe all this distance is just no good for us
I'll just see the girl next door, no need for train or a bus
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17. |
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How does it feel to be one of the social pariahs?
How does it feel to be out of the cognoscenti?
There but for the grace of google go all of us
One little slip and you're out on your ear and on your knees
Baby, you've been cancelled
Baby, you've been cancelled
Oooh
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18. |
Flatpack Replacement
01:32
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I once had a trip to Ikea
God, it was dire
I tried to assemble a chair
But I dissembled I fear
Sorry about the fire
I wanted our home to be good
I should've bought Norwegian wood
Now the Swedish stuff's burnt in the basement
Do we really need flatpack replacement?
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19. |
Tomorrow Wins Mastermind
01:06
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Watching quiz shows sometimes feels surreal
But here's a new concept
Here's a new concept
What if we could get days of the week to feel
To become sentient
To become sentient
Yesterday will be left behind
When Tomorrow wins Mastermind
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20. |
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There's nothing that can't be cured by therapy
Happiness can be bought with a fee
There's nothing you can say
That cannot be explained
Through the medium of expediency
All you need is counselling
All your needs just bouncing
Round your head indeed
Counselling's all you need
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