Yes we had a cheese and wine party Yes we had a sleazy time at the party We’re the Party Party Party Party Laugh We like a good laugh, Sod the riff raff We like a good laugh

It’s been a hard day’s lying, and I’m smirking like a cat It’s been a hard day’s lying, I should be sleeping like a rat But when I drive in my car I find I can’t get too far Because of my eyesight You know I lie all day to get you money for aspirin GlaxoSmithKline of Barnard Castle signed an agreement To make a Covid vaccine, so you know what I mean I feel alright When I get home, I’m teaching my wife how to drive Oh, she already can? Well it’s time to test her eye sight right? It’s been a hard day’s lying, I should be begging like a dog It’s been a hard day’s lying, I’d better backdate my blog Just call me Mr Magoo, I’ll rewrite history too Oh, I,m such a shite

Dear Andy You clearly do not understand me Nigel Farage mentally tweets Novak Djokovic is my friend And he needs me Nigel Farage mentally tweets He’s spent his career Drinking piss weak beer Hating Eastern Europeans Spreading false fear Like gonorrhea Asking for deportations And now he tells Murray to stick to the tennis Nigel Farage mentally tweets

Day after day Public money is paid out to parasites called royalty And one prince isn’t sweating He can see that we’re all just fools And he never gives an answer But the nonce watching golf Pockets 16K To watch men hitting balls And the taxpayers pay His brother too Flys around the UK Taking the piss, no matter what anyone says And he never listens to them He knows that they’re the fools They don’t like him The nonce watching golf Doesn’t want us to see And the rest of the crew Plead poverty Oh oh oh oh Fuck em all

Boom, log on We’re not corporate we’re nice, can’t you see? Boom, log on We’re pretending we have empathy Log on We’re a corporation Pretending to be just like you Log on It’s just manipulation Our PR team are snake oil crew The Magical Marketing guys Say, Sue, you are shouting at tea We’re only human you see Or are we?

Running for a car down in London Trying to get to County Durham The government said, get back here instead You know they didn’t even give us a chance. Christ you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be. My vision is going, I’d better drive now to see Finally made it up to the parents Spreading COVID all of the way Michael Gove called to say, Boris not OK Must get down to London today Christ you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be My vision is going, I better drive now to see Drove from Daddy’s to Barnard Castle, Just to check that I wasn’t blind Said “Hello” to a chap, then we drove straight back I’m only trying to stop the disease Christ you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be My vision is going, on the A63 Saving up your petrol for a rainy day Giving COVID to your family Last night the wife said oh boy when you’re dead I hope you take nothing with you, have you got a soul? Think! Made a lightning trip back to Checkers Boris made me bring him some fags The newspapers find, I’m not legally blind They look just like two dildos in black! Christ you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be. My vision is going, I better drive now to see Did a press conference in London Now everyone understands Laura Kuenssberg say “We believe you, OK” Piers Morgan thinks I’m talking out of my pants Christ you know it ain’t easy, you know how hard it can be! My vision is going, I better drive now to see. My vision is going, I think I’d better flee

Most of what she says is meaningless Beside the point, not on the point, Julia Julia, Julia, cognitive pissonance* Jumping to defend nazi urine, Julia *with thanks to @Bratchy1

That man is not allowed in my pub Get out of my pub Go on Get out of my pub Get out of my pub Get out of my pub I am the landlord (he is the landlord) I am the landlord (he is the landlord) I am the landlord (he is the landlord) Bring David Cameron back I say

When you get to the Euros and get knocked out in the final It’s a long way back to the urinal When you realise that football isn’t coming home No no no Do you, don’t you want us to love you You’re coming down fast but we went before you Tell me, tell me, tell me, come on tell me the answer Maybe you forgot your laser pens, ya chancer Skelped I tell yer, skelped by Italia Skelped I tell yer

The Met’s been good to me, you know They’re happy as can be, you know They said so A slap on the wrist and a small fine Maybe twenty fines, you know Will keep you all in line, you know They said so Plus we won’t say who is getting fined I’m so glad that there is a war And people won’t know what the fines are for Everybody now is sick, you know Of all the politics, you know We all go Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine

I’m digging a hole but I won’t jump in Just like that ditch I said I would die in Years ago I’m ditching the faxes, burying emails Denying the facts and all the details Down this hole And it really doesn’t matter if I’m wrong, I’m right There is no wrong, just right There is no wrong See the people standing there who disagree – they’ll never win And can’t afford to get through my back door I’m twisting the truth – it will all go away The public are fickle, I will stay I’ll never go