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Eat The Meatless

by The Meatless

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1.
Hello, cheese-eating scumbags. The god of the old testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction. Jealous and proud of it. A petty, unjust, unforgiving control freak A vindictive bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser A misogynistic, homophobic racist Infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal Pestilential, megalamaniacal, sado-masochistic Capriciously malevolent bully Imagine with John Lennon, a world with no religion Tread softly because you tread on my memes Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people Living for today Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion, too Imagine all the people Living life in peace You, you may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope one day you will join us And the world will be as one Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of man Imagine all the people Sharing all the world You may say that I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope one day you'll join us And the world will be as one If you don't like this country and what it was founded on and for, Get the fuck out of it and go straight to Hell PS. Fuck you, you communist whore
2.
Billy Cheese 00:42
So may I introduce to you The one and only Billy Cheese And Sergeant Cheddar's Lonely Cheese Club Band Biiiiiiiiiii Lleeeeeeeeee Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese What would you do if i ran out of cheese? me: *stands up and walks out*
3.
Ah look at all the lonely people Ah look at all the lonely people Doing it with it on a computer D'you know that it's called CAD It's in 3D They can build houses Isn't technology marvellous, what do you say Esther McVey? All the lonely people At the Tory conference Angry, sleepy people What a bunch of cunts Andrea Leadsom, dies on her arse What a farce, no pizzazz or panache Liz Truss - car crash Look at them working, trying to whip Up a crowd who don't want to be there Nobody cares All the Tory people Where do they all come from? They love a bit of groping From Boris Johnson Ah look at all the lonely people Ah look at all the lonely people
4.
Telt! 02:12
Telt, he needed telling Telt, he's such a bellend Telt, you know he needed telling, telt When Boris Johnson came up to Edinburgh He thought he'd pop along to Bute House to see Nicola But he got booed and did not feel so self assured I think you'll find he changed his mind and left by the back door Skelped on the backside, the fucking clown We don't appreciate you being round Get back to the London underground Won't you please, please be telt And now our lives have changed in oh so many ways Our independence seems to vanish in the haze Oh every now and then I feel so insecure We need independence like we've never done before Skelped on the backside, the fucking clown We don't appreciate you being round Get back to the London underground Won't you please, please be telt
5.
A political pundit met a physical Bullingdon bully Asking quite politely if they could read A summary So they printed a sterling work of literature Called Yellowhammer Six whole pages, without any pictures Oh, oh, oh, oh Food and medicine shortages And civil unrest - yay! Bang bang Brexit’s Yellowhammer Came down upon our heads Bang bang Brexit’s Yellowhammer Will not remain unread Dover queues again, passport control blues again Hard and soft borders Prices going up like the seventies ee ee ees Power cuts are back, and the pyromaniacs Everything's on fire But never mind, it's the will of the people Oh, oh, oh, oh This is not even the worst case scenario Bang bang Brexit’s Yellowhammer Come down upon our heads Bang bang Brexit’s Yellowhammer Says we won't all be dead x2 P. C. Thirty-one said, "We caught a dirty one" Ian Duncan Smith Picks his nose and eats it and stockpiles His bogies Rees Mogg lolls and plays with his dolls all day Says Johnson's not guilty (Johnson's not guilty) The judges don't agree and they tell him So, oh, oh, oh But as the words are leaving their lips Scots hatred rises Bang bang Brexit’s Yellowhammer Comes down upon our heads Bang bang Brexit’s Yellowhammer Says we won't all be dead x2 Mellow Yellowhammer What about Black Swan? Oi!
6.
Kayak 02:28
Darwin was a man of physical endurance But he had a lot of debt Then he had a plan to fiddle the insurance By pretending to be dead Kayak, kayak He paddled off in his kayak Kayak, kayak But then the silly cunt came back Darwin and his wife - they got quite impatient And off to Panama they fled They got their photo taken with a travel agent And put it on the internet Kayak, kayak He paddled off in his kayak Kayak, kayak He was a crap amnesiac The polis gave his memory a shoogle Then his story sprang a leak Someone at The Mirror looked him up on Google Now he's really up shit creek Kayak, kayak Up shit creek without an oar Kayak, kayak Should've went to the Azores Kayak, kayakitty yak Clint Eastwood's got the movie rights too Kayak, kayak Any Which Way You Canoe Move over Darwin
7.
Last night I said these words to Donny I hope you're wearin a rubber johnny C'mon, c'mon c'mon c'mon Appease me oh yeah And I'll appease you I hope you like the quaich I brought ye It's better than a Tamagotchi C'mon, c'mon c'mon c'mon Appease me oh yeah And I'll appease you I see you've banned the muslims and don't mention Jerusalem either And now there's a petition Please accept my contrition oh do I do love you ooh ooh These people are just all malingerers They're jealous of your hair and fingers C'mon, c'mon c'mon c'mon Appease me oh yeah And I'll appease you
8.
Here come the old firm with their birthday suits on They've got balls and tackle but they've got no boots on Going scud to end sectarianism Has anybody told Barry Ferguson? Watch Glasgow Celtic go into a naked huddle And then watch them looking very uncomfortable They're exposed at the back, the front and the side And when they tossed for kick off Nakamura nearly died The ref is starkers too He's avoiding missiles You don't want to see where he keeps his whistle The fans have all gone placid They don't chant or whoop The old firm have gone flaccid That's the brewer's droop, yeah Club together In the all together They had to tattoo their names on their skin Which didn't please Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink His goal celebrations were part subdued Cos when you get excited it is hard when you are nude Club together In the all together It's a little bit nippy In the autumn weather
9.
10.
Dear Ringo 02:58
“Please! After the 20th October, do not send fan mail to any address that you have. Nothing will be signed after the 20th October.” Dear Ringo Won’t you come out to play? Worrabout a game of bingo On Saturday It’s a national super jackpot day They’ve got a million quid to give away Hey Ringo I could get you in for a pound A pound, a pound, a pound, a pound… “Steady now. Steady! Go on! Go on! Alright, alright, don’t fuss. Alright, don’t fuss.” Dear Thomas I won’t come out to play I don’t like bingo I think it’s a bit gay In a naff sort of way, y’know? What chance have I of getting a line I can’t even play the drums in time Thanks for asking anyway “Peace and love. Peace and love!” Now get stuffed, eh? Hey, Thomas Did you say a pound? Yeah. A pound, a pound, a pound, a pound… “Alright, alright, don’t fuss. Alright, alright, don’t fuss. I’m warning you with peace and love, I have too much to do. No more fan mail. Thank you, thank you.” “That was funny. That was funny! Goodbye!” “Peace and love. Peace and love! I’m warning you with peace and love, I have too much to do. No more fan mail. Thank you, thank you.” “Thomas shut his eyes. I must stop!” “There watching him was the fat controller.”
11.
Hey Jude Law 02:08
Hey Jude Don't remake films Sleuth or Alfie - you can't make them better Remember, you're just another pretty face Your acting's a disgrace Michael Cane's much better Hey Brad I knew your dad And your whole family - they were the Pitts Winona should team up with Richard Madeley And go on a shoppping spree To nick more gin for Judy Hey Leonardo You've got some bravado If you think you can save the Titanic You're stiffer than that big iceberg And Kate Winslett, yer burd She was not much better Na, na, na , nana na na, nana na na Jude Law Na, na, na , nana na na, nana na na aw naw Na, na, na , please don't do Zulu oh no He might be just a big nob But at least he didn't do The Italian Job Oh no
12.
Imagine there's No Lennon It's really quite easy Cos he was shot dead by Mark Chapman In 1980 Imagine all The Beatles Living in Cowdenbeath You may like Freddie and The Dreamers But I prefer The Only Ones Maybe some day Oasis Will stop ripping off The Beatles songs
13.
Brexitday 02:06
You say it's your Brexitday Goodbye to EU, yeah They say it's your Brexitday We're gonna have a good time I'm glad it's your Brexitday Happy Brexitday to you Yes we're going to a party party Yes we're going to a party party I would like you to dance, Brexitday Take a cha-cha-cha-chance, Brexitday I would like you to dance, Brexitday Dance
14.
If you're feeling torn, if you feel out of place There's no point in shooting yourself in the face Know your enemy, don't be a disgrace A working class tory is something to be A working class tory is something to be They hurt you at work and they hurt you at home They hate you if you're clever, so don't give the cunts a bone Are you so fucking crazy you want to hurt your own? A working class tory is something to be A working class tory is something to be When they've tortured and scared you for another ten years Don't expect anyone to wipe away your tears You're so fucking useless, you're so full of fear A working class tory is something to be A working class tory is something to be Keep you doped with racism, hate and TV And you think you're so clever and classless and free But you're still fucking peasants in their eyes, can't you see? A working class tory is something to be A working class tory is something to be There's room at the top they are telling you still And you swallow this pish, are you all fucking ill? Wake up to reality, don't be a mug or a shill A working class tory is something to be A working class tory is something to be If you want to be a hero and fight poverty If you want to be a hero, well, don't vote Tory

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released January 28, 2020

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The Meatless Edinburgh, UK

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